10 Sex Tips From the Black Eyed Peas

Approach your target with a coy, yet sexy bon mot.

1. "Imma be a brother but my name ain't Lehman / Imma be a bank lending out semen."

2. "Let me fuck your ear up til my sperm is up in your brain." It's the verbal equivalent of how a lightning bug flashes its Day-Glo ass to attract a mate! (He/she may look appalled. That is just because his/her facial muscles are failing thanks to his/her sudden state of extreme arousal.)

3. "Mix your milk with my cocoa puff/ Milky, milky cocoa/ Mix your milk with my cocoa puff/ Milky, milky riiiiiiight."

Explain sex with cereal metaphors like the one above. Like a stop-motion of sunflowers blooming, all of the penises in the room will adjust themselves to point in your direction.

4. "Ya ya ya ya ya ya ya ya ya ya ya ya ya ya ya ya."

I mean, I just came, typing that.

Be sure to acknowledge his best qualities.

5. "Your ass from the side looks just like a coke bottle."

But make it clear you know you're no slouch, either.

6. "My hump my hump my hump . My hump my hump my hump, my lovely lady lumps.  Check it out."

Depending on what lump you are referring to, yes, you should probably get it checked out. Show him/her that you are aware of devastating current events around the globe.

7. Yes to sex / Yes to sex / No to War / No to war / Fightin' is frightning / Fightin' is frightening / Yes to sex / It's so much more exciting.